Unshrinking

As I prepare to launch a new chapter in my creative and professional journey, I’m filled with gratitude and excitement to introduce a concept that feels deeply personal yet universally resonant—Unshrinking. Born out of my experiences as a psychologist, transformational life coach, and, most importantly, as a human being navigating growth and self-discovery, this new blog and accompanying podcast, She is Mother, symbolize not just an evolution in my work, but a profound shift in how I embrace the world—and invite others to do the same.

The Birth of Unshrinking

The name Unshrinking emerged as I reflected on pivotal moments from the past year—moments that demanded courage, vulnerability, and a commitment to taking up space in ways I had never dared before. For decades, I found myself retreating—not into a cave, but into what felt like a protective shell, one shaped by necessity and self-preservation. I was driven there by both external forces and internal struggles, each leaving its mark on how I saw myself and my place in the world.

Externally, I was often the only brown person at the table, a reality that brought with it a constant undercurrent of otherness. Whether it was overt prejudice or the more insidious microaggressions that chipped away at my confidence, the message was clear: I did not belong. My ethnicity, sexual orientation, and identity set me apart in ways that many at the table could neither understand nor appreciate. I became exhausted by the endless need to explain myself, to justify my presence, and, worse yet, to represent entire communities of people who looked or loved like me. I had no choice in this; it was assigned to me, and it was heavy. Being the only one like me at the table not only isolated me but also reinforced feelings of disconnection. The cultural values and worldviews of my counterparts often clashed with my own, creating a chasm I couldn’t bridge. The more I tried, the more I felt unseen, unheard, and ultimately unworthy.

Internally, this retreat was fueled by the deep wounds of my own traumas and hardships. From a young age, I learned that taking up space came at a cost. To be big, to be noticed, was to invite shame, ridicule, and even abuse. My upbringing instilled in me a belief that my existence was a burden—a weight others had to bear. To shrink was to survive. To blend into the background was to avoid pain. And so, I became adept at making myself small, folding my brilliance, my voice, and my identity into neat little corners where they wouldn’t disturb anyone.

As I carried these experiences with me into adulthood, the retreat became second nature. Hiding felt safer than daring to shine. Yet over time, this shrinking began to take its toll. It robbed me not only of opportunities but of the joy and freedom that comes from living authentically. I began to realize that by shrinking, I wasn’t just protecting myself from others—I was diminishing the very essence of who I was meant to be.

It wasn’t until my 59th year that I decided to challenge this narrative. With equal parts trepidation and determination, I began to peel back the layers of protection I had built around myself. I was inspired by a deep desire to leave a legacy and fueled by the transformative power of storytelling. I stepped out of my shell and into the light, beginning with my first podcast, The Empowered Living Zone. This experience opened a door I hadn’t realized existed—a door to creative flow, connection, and self-acceptance. It was through this process that I began to see the power of stepping into the fullness of who I am, unapologetically, and inviting others to do the same. Unshrinking is not just a concept; it is a call to action, a reclamation of space, and a journey toward living boldly in a world that often asks us to play small.

Unshrinking represents more than just a commitment to taking up space. It is also my rebellion against the traditional framework of therapy, a system I once inhabited but quickly realized I needed to unlearn. When I began my journey as a psychologist, I was trained in a conventional medical model that viewed people as broken and diseased. I was taught that the therapist should occupy a position of authority—detached, unemotional, and operating as a blank slate to allow the client to project their internal world onto me. I was trained to be a "shrink" in every sense of the word: to shrink my emotions, my presence, and my humanity to fit into the mold of the clinical expert.

But as I stepped into the real work of serving people, I saw how harmful and limiting this model could be. It didn’t serve the people who came to me for help, nor did it align with my values or instincts. Over 30 years of practice, I learned that most people who walk through my door are not broken or diseased. They are simply struggling with the common human experience, facing challenges that are deeply relatable and shared by us all. Viewing them through the lens of deficiency or pathology did nothing to foster healing—it only reinforced a narrative of inadequacy. And so, I began to rebel.

I became what I like to call an untherapist or an unshrink. I rejected the sterile, distant persona I had been taught to adopt and instead chose to show up as a real person. I connected with my clients in genuine, human ways—through shared laughter, tears, and moments of profound presence. I discovered that simply being present with someone in their darkest moments of despair or their brightest celebrations was the strongest healing balm. My humanity became the bridge that allowed them to trust their own capacity for growth and healing.

In breaking the rules of traditional therapy, I also redefined the dynamic between therapist and client. No longer did I see myself as sitting above them, dispensing wisdom from a pedestal. Instead, I joined them. We walked the journey together, side by side, as partners. This partnership allowed for greater trust, vulnerability, and change. I wasn’t there to fix them; I was there to stand with them as they learned to navigate life’s challenging terrain and celebrate its victories.

Yes, I am an expert. I hold a doctorate in clinical psychology and draw upon decades of experience and specialized training to serve my clients. But I’ve also come to understand that expertise alone isn’t enough. The heart of healing lies in the relationship we build—a connection rooted in authenticity, empathy, and mutual respect. It is within this space of trust and shared humanity that true growth and transformation occur. By honoring both my expertise and the relational bond, I’ve discovered the most powerful vehicle for change: showing up as a real person and meeting my clients exactly where they are.

This realization was deeply influenced by my own experience as a client. What I appreciated most—and what helped me heal most—was not my therapist’s clinical expertise but her willingness to share her own life experiences. She let me see her struggles and how she worked through them. She showed up as a real person, and that authenticity made all the difference. Her vulnerability gave me permission to explore my own and helped me believe that healing was possible. That experience shaped the way I approach my work, reminding me that being human with my clients is just as vital as being knowledgeable.

What I’ve come to embrace in this role is that I am not just a therapist or coach—I am a mentor, an elder, and a guide. I bring the wisdom of my own lived experiences to the table, offering perspective and support as my clients find their way forward. In this role, I don’t shrink myself, nor do I ask my clients to shrink. Instead, we rise together, creating a space where authenticity and connection are not only allowed but celebrated.

For me, Unshrinking is as much about dismantling the rigid structures of traditional psychotherapy as it is about reclaiming my own space in the world. It is a declaration that healing happens not in sterile offices or hierarchical relationships but in the deeply human connections we make when we show up as our full selves. It’s about rebelling against the idea that we must shrink to fit a role, and instead, expanding into the fullness of who we are—therapist and client alike. This is the heart of Unshrinking — a call to live boldly, connect deeply, and embrace the messy, beautiful humanity that unites us all.

What Unshrinking Means

At its core, Unshrinking is about reclaiming space—physically, emotionally, and spiritually. It’s about rejecting the narratives that tell us to shrink ourselves to fit into boxes that were never meant for us.

Unshrinking means choosing courage over fear. Life often presents us with moments when the choice to show up authentically feels daunting. Whether it’s coming out, starting a new venture, or simply showing up as your full self, these moments require an immense amount of bravery. Choosing courage doesn’t mean the absence of fear—it means moving forward despite it. It’s a practice of showing up, repeatedly, with brave vulnerability.

Unshrinking is also about owning your story. Every experience—whether it’s a trauma, a triumph, a failure, or a success—is a part of your narrative. When you choose to own your story, you stop allowing it to own you. It becomes a source of power, not pain. This act of ownership transforms the way you see yourself and the way the world sees you. It’s an act of reclaiming your agency, deciding that your past will be the foundation upon which you build your future.

Finally, Unshrinking is about taking up space. In a world that often tells women, queer individuals, and people of color to know their place, Unshrinking is a radical act of defiance. It means refusing to apologize for existing fully and boldly. Taking up space isn’t about dominating others; it’s about asserting your right to be seen, heard, and valued just as you are.

The Pivot from Empowerment to She Is Mother

The Empowered Living Zone was an incredible platform that allowed me to share stories of resilience and triumph. It created a space for conversations about self-empowerment, personal growth, and transformation. Yet, as I grew, so too did my vision. The podcast had laid the groundwork for something bigger, something bolder—a new podcast called She Is Mother, set to launch in January 2025.

This evolution wasn’t just about creating a new show; it was about embracing a new identity. The title She Is Mother reflects something far greater than traditional notions of motherhood. It transcends the idea of a woman who has children or embodies maternal instincts. It draws inspiration from a modern cultural movement and the deep history of queer spaces, blending the personal and the universal into a concept of profound power.

In Gen Z culture, Mother has become a prestigious title, a badge of honor bestowed upon women who are unapologetically powerful, yet deeply in touch with their divine feminine essence. It’s a term that signifies strength, leadership, and an ability to inspire others—not through dominance, but through authenticity and presence. To be called Mother is to be recognized as someone who commands respect and admiration while nurturing others in their own power. It is a celebration of balance: fierce and tender, strong and soft, commanding and compassionate.

The roots of this concept trace back to the history of drag houses within the queer community, where Mother held a profound meaning. These houses were sanctuaries for transgender women, drag queens, and LGBTQ+ individuals who often had nowhere else to turn. They offered a haven of support, connection, and belonging in a world that frequently rejected them. At the heart of each house was the Queen Mother, a figurehead who embodied love, guidance, and strength. The Queen Mother wasn’t just a leader; she was a mentor, a protector, and a source of inspiration for the members of her house. She held space for their growth and celebrated their victories, teaching them how to navigate a challenging world with pride and resilience.

The legacy of the Queen Mother is one of defiance against a society that sought to erase their existence. She represented the power of creating community, of holding space for others while standing boldly in her own truth. This history resonates deeply with me—not just as a queer woman, but as someone who believes in the transformative power of showing up authentically and daringly in life.

For me, She Is Mother is an opportunity to claim my own badass essence, rooted in this rich history and cultural meaning. It is my declaration of leadership, not through perfection, but through presence. I am stepping into this title as someone who has weathered storms, overcome adversity, and embraced the fullness of my identity. It is an invitation for others to do the same—to show up fully, unapologetically, and daringly in the arena of life, with all its beauty and messiness.

This concept of Mother is not limited to me; it’s a call for everyone to tap into their own inner strength, their own divine power, and their capacity to hold space for others while claiming space for themselves. She Is Mother represents the blending of fierce independence and nurturing connection, the courage to lead and the wisdom to guide. It’s about standing tall in your truth and inspiring others to do the same.

Through this podcast, I aim to create a space where these qualities—strength, authenticity, and the willingness to embrace life’s complexities—are celebrated. She Is Mother is not just a title; it’s a movement. It’s a recognition of the divine power within us all and a call to step boldly into our lives, no matter how challenging or unpredictable they may be. It’s about holding space for messy, brave, and real conversations that challenge societal norms and invite listeners to lean into their own truths. Together, we’ll redefine what it means to lead, to nurture, and to truly show up in the world.

This is my claim to a powerful identity, but it’s also an invitation to you: embrace your inner Mother, whatever that looks like for you. The arena is waiting, and there’s no better time to step in.

The Vision for Unshrinking and She Is Mother

The Unshrinking blog and the She Is Mother podcast are platforms for real, honest, and transformative conversations. They will normalize struggles, celebrate authenticity, provide tools for growth, and champion inclusivity in ways that resonate with diverse audiences.

Normalizing struggles is essential because life is inherently messy. We face challenges that test our strength and shake our foundations, and yet these struggles are often hidden or stigmatized. Through Unshrinking, I aim to create a space where these difficulties are brought into the light—not as a source of shame, but as a shared human experience. By talking openly about our struggles, we break the isolation that so often accompanies them.

Celebrating authenticity is another cornerstone of this journey. In a world that often rewards conformity, authenticity can feel risky. Yet, living authentically is one of the most liberating acts we can undertake. Through stories of coming out, navigating nontraditional relationships, and embracing intersectional identities, Unshrinking will highlight the beauty and power of being unapologetically yourself.

Providing tools for growth is where my expertise as a psychologist and transformational coach comes into play. Over the course of my career, I’ve learned that empowerment isn’t just about inspiring words; it’s about actionable strategies. Unshrinking will be a resource for practical guidance—whether it’s setting boundaries, finding your voice, or healing from past wounds.

Championing inclusivity is deeply personal for me as a queer Latina. Representation matters, and so does creating a sense of belonging for those who’ve felt unseen. This blog and podcast will center the voices and experiences of marginalized communities, creating a space where everyone can find connection and understanding.

A Glimpse into the Future

Through Unshrinking and She Is Mother, we’ll tackle topics that are often overlooked or avoided. From the loneliness epidemic to the complexities of identity to relationship challenges, we’ll dive into tough conversations with authenticity and grace. Generations will connect to share wisdom, and diverse experiences will be celebrated.

This is more than just a blog or podcast—it’s a movement toward living boldly, authentically, and unapologetically.

A Personal Invitation

As I embark on this next chapter, I invite you to join me. Let’s unshrink together—shedding the limitations of societal expectations, stepping into our power, and creating a world where authenticity is celebrated.

Mark your calendars for January 14, 2025, when She Is Mother makes its debut. In the meantime, follow the Unshrinking blog for stories, insights, and inspiration that will challenge you to show up as your fullest self.

Together, let’s unshrink. Let’s live bravely and boldly. Let’s shine.